Insider vs Outsider

I wish God delight my words and my thoughts. Not to be a paranoia.

My focus should be on the other people, not on myself.

No fear, no escape, no deaf, no mute, no blind......for growing up.

When I could be have such couraged?

Depressed

Depressed such a horrible feeling. The failure was a blow to my ego.

I'm afriad of doing something wrong or something worst again.

Don't want to trouble anyone, but still to be a troublesome being.

It seems to be a contradiction between my words and actions.